Rules about Life: A Blue Jean Conundrum

“Well, as long as you know what you’re doing is wrong and you stop doing it….I think you’ll be fine.”

“Thanks for the advice, and I know that you don’t agree, but I’m not going to stop.”

Half Full by Mike Monteiro

She looked at me as though I had just told her that I killed someone and drug their body into the woods.

“No, seriously, stop.”

“No……Seriously, thank you, but no.”

I mean I don’t get it. Who made up these rules that we are supposed to follow in order to be accepted or get into heaven?  I fall for it every time too. I’m walking along; going about my business happy as a clam, not a care in the world….Then somebody stops me, “Don’t step on a crack! You’ll break your mother’s back!”

I freeze, eyes wide, and look behind me…..”Oh no! How many cracks did I step on before this kind person came along to warn me of the harm I could cause by doing so?!?!?” Forget the blissful state I was in just moments ago, now all I feel is guilt and disappointment.  Instead of skipping into the next day, I walk home in a slump avoiding any possible danger; Slip into my bed and sleep well into the next week. Then hopefully the guilt will dissipate and I can go on living my life.

Hulk by Amy Stein; Brooklyn Morning by Youngna Park; Untitled (Mott Street) by Alison Grippo

Why is it that we as human beings are afraid to be happy, afraid to be grateful, afraid to live; out of fear of disappointing someone?

And most of those someone’s are just the status quo. 

Why is it that because of our fear of looking idiotic or being judged that we continue to live a less than meaningful life?  Then we become angry, insecure, and judgmental. It’s because we are angry with ourselves for letting fear dictate how we live.  We are insecure that we don’t just do what makes us happy.  We are judgmental so that we don’t feel alone for giving in.

Recently, I realized that I listen way too much to what people have to say. I also think too much about how something is going to make me look before I do it. The only time that I am truly happy is when I just stop and let go. The minute I let another’s opinion get into my head, I lose the ability to think for myself.

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

Recycled Denim Chair, Scrap Lab

“Nikki, I just think that you are being very selfish and naïve about this whole thing.  I mean…..Shouldn't you be trying to save money?!?!? You just can’t spend that much on a pair of jeans. Imagine what your father would think if he knew your balance!”

As I handed the cashier my credit card I replied, “Thank you for your concern, but I am an adult, and these jeans make me happy. They also make me feel amazing.  So I am doing what I want.”

At the end of the day, the only person that I need to answer to is staring back at me in the mirror.

And today, she is smiling.